we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
love makes seman taste better
I wish you could order shots online.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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