she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
