Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
