It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
