Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
