No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
