he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
