I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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