do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
