im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
