her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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