Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
