I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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