So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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