So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
