they need to just BURY HIM!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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