Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
