so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
