My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
