Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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