talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
