its not stalking. its research.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
