I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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