okay pat passed out under dana's car
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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