Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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