we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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