I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
