we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
