I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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