just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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