I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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