party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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