Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
