I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My breasts were aching with rage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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