I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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