my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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