there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
