I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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