just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am available for nakedness
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
