She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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