when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
