remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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