Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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