OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
