i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
that may or may not have been my penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
