My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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