watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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