the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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