what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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