I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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