went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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