the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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