Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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