Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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