At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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