DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
